The Best Way To Get Over a Breakup Part 3

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. In this series of posts your assignment was to write a short story about your past relationship from beginning to end, and then close the story on a high note.

The next step is to make a list of “reminders.” One of the best strategies to seal the closure is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the right one for you. If you’re having a hard time letting go, this is the thing to do. And it’s okay to be a bit ruthless—now is not the time for namby-pamby, wishy-washy sentiments.

Look at your story for guidance. List the hurtful things you wrote about (and others that you forgot to include in the story) and how they made you feel, being absolutely clear about those things you never intend to feel again. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and be stone-cold honest about what it was like to go through those events.

Imagine that these things had happened to a dear and trusted friend of yours. How would you feel about it? What would you say to them? Now ask yourself “Why would I ever put myself through that again?”

When you come to a moment of weakness, remember your list of reminders. Pull it out, read it through, and remember exactly why the relationship had to end. It simply had to dissolve, because you deserve better than that.

Before you know it, the relationship that once bedeviled you will be left right where it belongs—in the distant past. You will soon agree that it was all for the good, because it all contributed greatly to your own personal growth.

– Peter Winslow

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The Best Way To Get Over a Breakup Part 2

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. If you are like many of my life coaching clients, there are things about your last relationship you know you absolutely never want to go through again. In the last post I gave you a writing assignment to empower you to get through the pain of your breakup, and move forward in a positive, healthy fashion.

You were to write a short story about your past relationship from beginning to end, and then close the story on a high note. That positive finish is an important key that will take you one giant step closer to your goal of emotional closure.

If you were honest with yourself, you came to face many meaningful emotions, both pleasing and challenging, as you wrote the story. You were probably amazed to discover the many insights that were revealed as you poured it all out of your mind and onto the paper.

Patterns may have appeared to you, and you found it much easier to identify and understand the valuable life lessons you learned from the whole experience. It became obvious that the relationship was really an opportunity to learn about yourself in ways that you could not have discovered alone. In this sense, your ex was a very valuable part of your life experience.

Realize that no relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Even though it didn’t work out in the end, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t an important part of your journey.

In Part Three of this post we’ll shake it up a bit. You’ll reference the story you have written and learn how to bring it all together for meaningful closure.

–Peter Winslow

The Best Way To Get Over a Breakup

My gosh, does it really have to hurt so much?

I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow, and I know how you feel. When my long-term relationship ended, I wanted to move through the pain and get on with my life as quickly as possible.

In this series of posts I’ll give you the best formula to deal with the situation, put it behind you in an expedient manner, and become better and stronger for the experience.

Take the steps I recommend and you’ll soon be open to attract (and keep!) the partner you really want and deserve. Here are the powerful steps to take for healing to begin.

Step One: Write a Story

If you’re anything like me, you could write at least one book about how you feel at this point in your life. But did you know writing your experiences down can really help you get past the pain in record time? No need to write a whole thesis; a little bit goes along way. Just think of it as cheap therapy.

Here’s what to do: Think about when your relationship first began. What was the scene, the setting, and the mood of the meeting? Document that meeting thoroughly, and then proceed to journal the events of your relationship from the very beginning to the very end.

At first it might seem challenging—maybe even painful—but this exercise can serve to give you a broader perspective on who you were at the time, and who you thought you were dealing with in a partner.

When you come to the close of the story, be sure to finish it on a positive note. Impossible? Not really. You may have to dig a little deeper into your memory, but when you do you’ll find there is at least one thing of value that came from the experience, and that’s what you want to focus on. Let that be the last sentence in your memoir, and then after you have written it down, write in big, bold letters: “THE END”

If you wrote it in a notebook, shut it forcefully. Take a deep breath and put the notebook away where you will not easily see it. If you wrote on loose papers, fold them up quickly and seal them away in an envelope. Put that envelope in a place where it will not be seen until you are ready to take the next step in the process.

The action of writing down the sequential events of your relationship, and then “closing the book on it” can provide you with relief in more ways than one. Emotional closure is your goal, and you are now one giant step closer to it.

– Peter Winslow

Law of Emergence – Part Four

Hello I’m Peter Winslow, a life coach and counselor in Scottsdale AZ. We’ve been discussing the Law of Emergence, a superior realization of how to get what you want in life. It comes to us from life coach and New Thought philosopher Derek Rydall.

We looked at how to apply this law to achieve your dreams step by step, beginning here: first, change your language, and stop talking about what is “negative” in your world. Second and most importantly, stop looking at “why” your dream isn’t happening. It may feel counterintuitive, but that is what often blocks you—the search for (and focus on) what is holding you back.

Third, let all the “negative” stuff pass you by like flotsam on a river, and instead stay focused on navigating where that river is taking you. Give 100% of your attention to what you desire, and 0% to what you don’t.

More than an exercise, it’s a way of life—one which replaces any dogma that demands you must work hard to improve yourself before you can have your goals and dreams. While hard work has its reward, it is just not enough. For example, you can dig ditches 12 hours a day for years, fill them back in, and never reach a satisfying conclusion.

In many cases hard labor is counter-productive as it keeps you myopically bound to the toil at hand, unable to recognize the many hidden opportunities that pop up all around you—which then get picked up and taken advantage of by more open-minded adventurers.

The Law of Emergence entails a deep realization that replaces any inferior concept of who you are. Make this breathtaking breakthrough and you simply cannot return to any worn-out belief that somehow in some way, “I am not enough” and so must work harder and harder to “earn” your success.

You are not just a physical body; you are a mix of elements and energy operating in a quantum field. This realization combines inner harmony with outer order, and activates the Law of Emergence in very powerful ways.

When you finally get it, nothing can stand between you and whatsoever you would have, and be.

–Peter Winslow