I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. In this series of posts your assignment was to write a short story about your past relationship from beginning to end, and then close the story on a high note.
The next step is to make a list of “reminders.” One of the best strategies to seal the closure is to make a list of all the reasons your ex was not the right one for you. If you’re having a hard time letting go, this is the thing to do. And it’s okay to be a bit ruthless—now is not the time for namby-pamby, wishy-washy sentiments.
Look at your story for guidance. List the hurtful things you wrote about (and others that you forgot to include in the story) and how they made you feel, being absolutely clear about those things you never intend to feel again. Give yourself the benefit of the doubt and be stone-cold honest about what it was like to go through those events.
Imagine that these things had happened to a dear and trusted friend of yours. How would you feel about it? What would you say to them? Now ask yourself “Why would I ever put myself through that again?”
When you come to a moment of weakness, remember your list of reminders. Pull it out, read it through, and remember exactly why the relationship had to end. It simply had to dissolve, because you deserve better than that.
Before you know it, the relationship that once bedeviled you will be left right where it belongs—in the distant past. You will soon agree that it was all for the good, because it all contributed greatly to your own personal growth.
– Peter Winslow
I’m life coach and counselor Peter Winslow. If you are like many of my life coaching clients, there are things about your last relationship you know you absolutely never want to go through again. In the last post I gave you a writing assignment to empower you to get through the pain of your breakup, and move forward in a positive, healthy fashion.
You were to write a short story about your past relationship from beginning to end, and then close the story on a high note. That positive finish is an important key that will take you one giant step closer to your goal of emotional closure.
If you were honest with yourself, you came to face many meaningful emotions, both pleasing and challenging, as you wrote the story. You were probably amazed to discover the many insights that were revealed as you poured it all out of your mind and onto the paper.
Patterns may have appeared to you, and you found it much easier to identify and understand the valuable life lessons you learned from the whole experience. It became obvious that the relationship was really an opportunity to learn about yourself in ways that you could not have discovered alone. In this sense, your ex was a very valuable part of your life experience.
Realize that no relationship is ever a failure if you manage to learn something about yourself. Even though it didn’t work out in the end, that doesn’t mean it wasn’t an important part of your journey.
In Part Three of this post we’ll shake it up a bit. You’ll reference the story you have written and learn how to bring it all together for meaningful closure.